Back from traveling

Well, I saw my parents this weekend, and my brother. They are all doing well, but we were all grumpy for random reasons so we got on each other's nerves more than usual! Most of the time we're all grown-ups, but not this weekend! Haha. But that is part of being a family too.

Anyway, I was too tired to go to the grocery store today before dinner, so it was leftover turnip greens and biscuits tonight. I really did put too much salt in the biscuits! But they were edible. I needed milk/oj for breakfast tomorrow, so I ran out and bought some at the closest store since I didn't feel like driving across town to buy organic.

So, here's our start for this week:

1/2 gallon milk: 2.99
turkey pepperoni: 3.49
rainbow sherbert: 1.99
oj: 3.29
TOTAL: 11.30

Which leaves 28.70 for the rest of the week. That should be no problem whatsoever. I'm also going to eat out more this week than usual. DR MM will be back for his graduation! And our anniversary is this week, and he'll be back for that too. Four years together certainly doesn't feel like a very long time, and yet it also feels like it's always been this way. (Probably becausee we've been together for almost nine years since we started dating.)

Also, I filled up my tank to see my parents (3 hours away)--I needed over 14 gallons! My car only holds 15, so I was cutting it close. I have a couple of dollars left in my gas budget until the end of the next 30 days (Aug. 26 I think), minus any gas that I have to have to visit Dr. MM. I have about a quarter of a tank left, which should get me through most of the month. I can take the bus a couple of places, and MAYBE I'll bike to church. Like I've been saying this whole year.

TGIF

Yesterday, I had the best baked potato ever. Crispy skin and fluffy yummy insides. So, so good. Loaded with goodies--bacon, green onions, cheese, butter, salt, pepper. Lucky for me, I cooked two, so I had another one for lunch today. Ultra good, skins and all.

Tonight I had homemade biscuits, homemade "creamed" corn, turnip greens, and fried eggplant. I am an awful fryer, so the eggplant was awful, but everything else was good. And I'll have biscuits tomorrow for breakfast! Or lunch with the rest of the greens.

I'll be out of town this weekend, so I'll probably eat out--but on someone else's dime! (Mommy's and Daddy's! heehee) Hope everyone has a good weekend.

New Food

Tonight I ate macaroni and cheese for dinner because I was so drained that I didn't want to cook anything really. Although being completely out of energy was my own fault. See, I was STARVING after I went to the grocery store, so I drank a glass of oj and ate a couple of cookies--which apparently knocked me out, so I went to bed. For an hour. After that, I woke up with a headache, decided to cook "dinner", and then bawled my eyes out at an SVU episode that I have seen two million times.

I'm blue. That's just the long and short of it. But it's awful because it's not like I'm even conscious of being sad really. It just hangs over me. I know it is because I really do miss Dr. MM, so much, even though I'm going to see him next Thursday and he just left on Monday. I want to be up there, piddling around in our new house, cooking us dinner, looking at furniture, being with him. Which is all true, but still a little pathetic. My grandmother would tell me to stop my blubbering and get busy, she was away from my grandfather for two years during the war and it wasn't the end of the world. (My gma, she was one with the sympathy, you know. But it makes me laugh.) Plus, I know that I'm extra sad right now because of PMS. Sigh.

Besides bawling my eyes out at a re-run, I'm also having tons of anxiety about my internship right now. Which is stunningly stupid of me, because it is only making me do a worse job of everything. And I'm a great intern, actually. (I'm generally good at everything I work at: I'm a hard worker, quick to grasp new concepts, careful and discreet, competent, friendly, uncomplaining, cheerful, etc.) I know that the blues and anxiety go together for me, so if I can get a handle on the former then the latter will take care of itself.

I say the blues rather than depression because I am not actually depressed. Maybe I am getting there, but right now I'm just. . . grumpy? tired? sad? lonely? Blue.

Also, I'm having very little human social contact at all, which is somehow physically/mentally/emotionally draining to me--I'm a complete extrovert. I usually don't realize this until I have been hanging out with a group of people and come home feeling like myself, only WAY more so. It's truly exhilerating.

Anywho. I'm writing all of this here because otherwise if I told someone, they would worry. No need to worry, I'm just getting it out in the open. But you can't tell people who love you not to worry, you know.

I came here to write about what I bought today, so let me do that.

mac & cheese*: 2.49
cheese: 1.92
eggplant*: 3.59 (I'm going to be eating eggplant for a while. It's just one, but it's a nice one.)
potatos (2)*: 2.13
corn: 1.99 (A better deal than last week--3 this time, 2 last)
cornmeal*: .21
bacon: 2.99
oj*: 4.99 (pulp-free is a dollar cheaper than with pulp for some reason)
milk*: 2.99 (half gallon instead of a gallon--less incentive to eat cereal before bed)

discount: 1.17
TOTAl: 22.79

So I have 1.97 left, which I shouldn't have to spend. I like shopping at E, because I like buying from the bulk aisle. And I like the smell of the place. And I like the things I don't normally see in the regular grocery store. I also really like the organic oj--it is somehow a lot sweeter than our usual national-brand oj and more orange-y. Which, of course, may have nothing to do with it being organic and just be the change in brands. But to me it is worth the outrageous cost, plus it reminds me not to drink it like a mad woman. Juice is something to be savored and sipped, not glugged down and unappreciated. In fact, most of our food should be savored. I think that paying a little bit more for things, especially within the confine of this budget, is making me appreciate that much more.

Ahhh. I feel much better now. I know that I need to get to the gym, and probably go to a meeting of the local group I'm interested in, and go to church (ack). All of those things would make me feel much better too. Instead, I'm going to go unload the dishwasher and clean off the dining room table. So there.

P.S. Also, I have decided that I'm not going to buy any more bags of chips or cookies. I just sit here (or at the tv) and eat them in ginormous quantities. That's it. If I want some kind of sweet treat, I'm going to go to the awesome bakery here in town and get something that is fantastic. If I want something crunchy, I will eat my whole-grain crackers. Keeping unhealthy things out of the house is the best way for me to Just. Not. Eat. Them. Also, no more s0nic bl@sts, unless it's gingerbread (my favorite and only at Christmastime). They just aren't as good if you have them all the time.

Keeping at it.

Tonight was pasta and sauce. I was feeling a bit down last night and today, but I decided to give myself something to look forward to each day. Today, I had to mix it up a bit because it rained, but I got a new book out of it! Hopefully this will work to help me keep out of the blues that could lead to something worse.

Also, I found out today that I can call and cancel my cable tomorrow! I'm really excited about this, and interested to see how I react to not having something to catch up with or occupy me. What will I do without the extra static in my life?

Kudos

It feels as if I'm never doing things that get me further down the road, but that's actually not true. Every day that I've been by myself, I have cooked my own dinner and cleaned the kitchen afterwards back to sparkling. Each night I have been reading part of a book to give myself food for thought. Each day I have been drinking water throughout the day. Also, I have been doing a little bit of housecleaning every evening (our place really is a sty)--laundry, throwing things out, putting things in the donate pile, using the carpet sweeper (which for some reason is more fun than the vacuum), cleaning the bathroom. It is adding up, and I hope that soon I will be able to reach an equilibrium of clean and tidy all over the house. I am doing a good job in some aspects, and I need to recognize that. Even if it is what I should be doing all along, anyway.

Hamburgers!

Well, not plural, but that is what I had for dinner tonight. We have a stack of patties frozen, so I'll probably do that once a week until I finish them.

So, today was the start of a new week for me. I went to a regular grocery store, but still bought some organic foods. I'll probably go to the store again on Wednesday evening.

Anyway, here's the breakdown:

Frozen pizza: 3.59
Yogurt*: .99
Yogurt*: .99
Cookies: 1.99
Frozen greens: 1.25
Carrots*: 1.19
lemon: .50
buns: 1.40
potato chips: 2.99
tax: .45
TOTAL: 15.24

Remaining for the next 6 days: 24.76

Dinner was hamburgers, carrot salad, and chips. I know that this store does not inspire me to eat healthier, which is strange--I will buy junk here, but not as much at the Earthf@re. E makes me want to eat veggies and grains.

Out night!

Tonight we did go out to dinner, so I had a chicken enchilada, black beans, and part of a tamale. Also, coke and some popcorn at the movies and butterf--gers. The coke was ultra-sweet since I haven't had one in almost a week. After not drinking them for a while, they are almost sickly sweet to me. I couldn't even have one with dinner because the thought of it was a little too gooey. It makes me wonder how much my body has gotten used to other unhealthy foods.

Anyway, I'm going to do the food budget from Monday to Sunday. I know that it hasn't been a week from my last $40, but I don't like the oddness of keeping up with something in the middle of the week.

check-in

Weight: 160

I am not going to eat out tonight after all, because Dr. MM will not arrive until late. So I ate the rest of the broccoli and the last of the cup of rice I made when I made dal with spicy soy sauce over it. Delish! I will probaby eat a bowl of cereal later on tonight if I feel munchy from the light dinner. I didn't eat much of a lunch today, so I was hungry earlier than usual.

Tonight

Still rolling along without too many problems on the food front.

Tonight was homemade creamed corn, blackeyed peas, and sauted baby squash. Yum! Plus, I'm being pretty good about eating leftovers. So this week looks like an A-game. Woohoo! Tomorrow, I will probably eat my one extra meal out.

Also.. . .

At the end of the month, I will have no more tv! How exciting is that!

Well, I'll still have my tv and dvd/vcr, so I can watch recorded things if I want. But I will have no more cable, and no one has an antenna here because you can't get broadcast tv at all. I'm really looking forward to it, even though I enjoy watching some tv shows. It will be something different.

I am also trying to take a box of things to the thrift store every week and pare down. We really have way too much stuff.

I can see it!!

The road, that is. You know, the one I'm on to self-discipline. Harhar.

Since my last post, I am a happy new homeowner! I am also now living six hours away from Dr. MM (and not in the new home).

So far, I have been sleeping in and slowly picking up around the house and getting into "tidy house" mode. Good things are that there is no soda in my house, soon the cookies will be gone, and I can work on tidy habits without another messpot edging in on me! I miss the messpot a lot though.

I was going to come here tonight and write about my little tracking program--not RDA's, but my food budget. And I am going to try to tweak my diet so that it is more environmentally friendly--so I am aiming for local and organic foods (the best I can) with little packaging. Of course, I stopped by Marla's blog first and she has been talking about organic foods and their price so I almost didn't write about it because it's too much that this is my experiment. But I had to go there first because that's my weird little pathway to this blog. I couldn't have a bookmark to my own blog, because that would make TOO MUCH SENSE. Instead I wander through four other people's blogs to get here.

So anyway. I think that I'm going to give myself a food budget of $40 a week, plus one night out. Nothing too restrictive, I don't think. I should be able to get more than enough food to feed little old me for that amount--plus, I've got some previously bought food that should see me through. If I end up with too much leeway, I can always cut back more if I see that I can. Does $40 sound exorbitant or stingy? I feel like it is a lot.

This week, I didn't do too well with the local foods but I will try to go to the green market on Saturday. What's organic I've put a star by.

Breakdown
K@sh! cereal : 4.19
Fire Roasted tomato Pasta Sauce*: 3.99
K@sh! crackers: 2.69
coconut milk (baby can): .99
hummus: 2.99
baby patty squash*: 1.36
lime*: .69
jalapeno: .03
baby spinach*: 3.49
scallions*: 1.29
yellow corn: 1.18
rice crackers*: 2.30
red lentils*: .43
oj*: 5.99
milk*: 4.99

Discounts: -.60 (for bringing my own bag), -1.83 (student)
tax: 1.04
Total: 35.81

pita: 2.29+tax= 2.36

Grand Total: 38.17

Yesterday for dinner and today for lunch, I had dal (lentil stew), rice, and pita chips. So the lentils and jalapeno are gone already. And I've got $1.83 if I need anything--hopefully I won't! Tonight, it's pasta with the sauce and maybe some of the spinach thrown in.

In addition to the food budget goal, I am going to work on a gas budget for non-trip travel. I just can't help going to visit Dr MM, so I'm not going to worry about that. Gas is 2.99/gallon today, so a full tank here would be: 44.85 (assuming I was at the dead bottom of the tank). My non-trip gas budget each month will be: $45. One tank at the current price, and if it goes up, then I'll get less gas! We have a decent transit system here, plus I have a bike, so it shouldn't be too big of a deal.

Why it can be so hard to get back on track

Although I try to use my fitday as just observation and not as a means for judgment and condemnation, I have to say that tracking does help me keep my eyes opened. So far, today has been a nice low-fat day--but I have taken in very little nutrition for 1500+ calories. Almost everything in my RDA's is below 50%, which is shocking. Also, I ate a ton of angel food cake because I'm stressed. It has no fat, but I ate over 400 calories of it! Not a good plan, but it happened and I will not make the same choice in the future.

When I do something like eat a fourth of a cake, I just don't want to write it down here. But, why not? I did it and I did it purposefully (not the eating 400 calories part since I didn't know that at the time, but the eating way more cake of any kind than any one needs in a day). That's who I am, and where I'm at today. I'm also going to have a milkshake later on this evening after I study, and I'll dutifully come here and log it in. Maybe I'll meet my calcium goal!

Getting up to speed

I'm trying to work back into tracking my rda's so my fitday page will be operating at full speed very soon! Woohoo!

Small steps back to the path, that's all. Discipline means persisting, even after small breaks!

I did have a spr!te for breakfast, which is very unusual for me--but my tummy didn't want to settle down this morneing.

Tracking Again

Wt: 160

This seems to be my usual top weight when I'm doing nothing. I have reached equilibrium! It's likely that I'm going to change my fitness goal from a run to a bike ride on Sept 30. I still need to get moving, although I've been pretty good about getting a walk in here and there and drinking water instead of coke.

Next week, Dr. MM moves six hours away. I'm going to miss him SO much! I will have to give myself something to occupy my time so I won't be too lonely, and I'm thinking that "something" will be exercise. I'll also be cutting out tv and living with less stuff. We're going to be culling a great deal of things soon, those things that we never use or don't really love but inertia has prevented us from giving them away or throwing them out. I think this time apart will make our visits together even sweeter. I hope that we're able to get involved in new things quickly so neither of us mope too much. Time will tell.